1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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