We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
