What a fucking waste of an outfit
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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