i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
