Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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