I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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