coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
