Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
