At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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