True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't deserve a penis
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
