I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
