I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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