Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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