you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
