When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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