im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
