he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
