Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
