idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Those nachos came to me in a dream
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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