Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
