My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
