How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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