he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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