Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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