just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
