I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
