Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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