i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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