so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
