The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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