He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
