I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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