i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
