so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
