that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
