I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
