she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
