So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
