First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
