I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
