this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
