Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
