R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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