I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
