His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
