dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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