You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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