Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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