You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
