College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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