I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
