Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
