My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
