He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She needs sedatives and a leash
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
