Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
