So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
