Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
